I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
