organizing the empties. That sober.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
