lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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