He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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