Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
