her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my shit smells like andre
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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