Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
