At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
