Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
