i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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