Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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