All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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