that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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