Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
