I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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