your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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