No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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