My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i think my cat just said my name.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
