I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
