I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
