You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
