Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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