I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
