Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize