i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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