I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
