i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
