im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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