my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
