It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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