youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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