ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
