just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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