I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
