Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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