Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
