dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
