True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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