moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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