Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
