Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
