just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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