We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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