I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
