I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
