Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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