How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
