I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
