Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
