i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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