the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
