I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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