WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
