If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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