oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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