Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
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