week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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