I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
