So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
