my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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