That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
