you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
