dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
