He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
