I think I died a long time ago.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
