the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She announced her abortion via fbk
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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