6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
